The Good Karma Hospital
Series 1DVD - 2017
From the critics
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Excellent script with tons of salient quotes:
So it's your first time in India? Sorry? Well, most people get dragged back for a wedding or two. You know distant cousins they didn't even know.
This Dr Fonseca. He's in charge?
-Er officially, no. Unofficially, definitely yes. Oh, and er he's a she.
A real woman needs a man who can take a little pain.
Throw in the young nurse Mari (Nimmi Harasgama), we have all the recurring hospital staff from this exchange:
This is Dr Walker. Another half-trained British doctor to practise on Indian people.
-Don't be racist, Lydia.
Dr Nair, our nominal chief and the human raincloud in the corner is Dr Varma.
- I believe you've already met my son, AJ, our ambulance driver.
Cunningham technique. Massaging the bicep muscle reduces the spasm and allows the dislocation to reduce spontaneously. No anaesthetic required unless you're a total wimp. Also cheap, efficient and effective. I'll teach you on the next idiot who falls off his scooter.
Dr Walker. The last thing my hospital needs is a lazy British doctor - with no experience and an attitude problem.
- I don't have –
This is real life, not a gap-year experience. My patients are not dinner party stories.
- Frankly, that's quite insulting. And it's not why I'm here.
Then why are you here?
- It's complicated.
Naturally. But is it original? Or interesting?
I'm not really a surgeon.
-Simple butchery with a little light needlework thrown in.
Whatever it is, we deal with it surgery, medical, dental.
-I'm not a dentist.
It's easier than it looks. Just ask Mari for the pliers.
She seems keen enough. Well, I can't supervise her. Also I'm on call today.
-I'm sure you'll manage. Think of her as the childhood hamster you never had, fragile and easily crushed. It'll be good for you.
Our patients deserve better.
- I couldn't agree more. But in life, few of us get what we deserve.
-Fresh off the boat. It's my first day. Oh, but don't worry. Not a problem. We have babies in England too.
And that's your final word?
-Believe me, neither of you want to hear my final word.
He thought he could see an appendage.
-And you didn't correct him?
Do you know how small a penis is at 12 weeks?
How are the language lessons going?
-Namaskaram! Ente peru Ruby ennannu.
Not bad, but the accent is truly appalling. Still, I suppose Mumbai wasn't built in a day.
Believe me, Dr. Walker, I'm a huge fan of conflict, but a wise general only fights when she's sure to win the day. We wait for our opportunity. The real trick is to know it when you see it.
You travel light, Dr Walker.
-Nothing else wanted to come with me.
More fool them. You haven't thought about him all day, have you?
-How did you know?
There's always a man, in my experience. Neither interesting nor original.
It's only a python. It's harmless. They can swallow a small dog but even pythons draw the line at English doctors.
It's the grain brings the rats, the rats bring the snakes. And the snakes bring Juan Gonzalo, the snake catcher.
His injuries were too severe. There was nothing you, Dr Varma or Ganesh himself could have done.
-Then why didn't it feel that way?
Because you, unlike Dr Varma, are still a fully-functioning human being. When you lose that feeling, it really is time to go home. People come to India to find themselves, Dr Walker. The truth is, most of them are simply idiots. But you… you do look a little lost. But something tells me there's someone in there worth discovering.
From the definition of his rectus abdominis, it's obvious he takes care of himself.
-I think these days they call it a six pack.
His identity will have to wait till he comes round, or someone arrives to claim him. It can't be every day you misplace an Adonis. Even on a full moon.
Inspector Gomez is a hare-brained ignoramus whose only saving grace is that he's eating himself into an early grave.
She's virtually a child herself. She needs help, someone she can trust. If you can't see that, you're blind as well as arrogant.
This is our highest quality garment.
-Oh, it's really lovely. But I've spent so much already today. My husband will have my guts for garters.
But this is your perfect colour. Surely your husband will see that immediately?
-You're not wrong. And they do say you only live once, eh?
Actually, Hindus believe we all live many lives.
Typical man. Obsessed with rules and incapable of getting results.
-Dr Fonseca, I must formally protest. To regard all men as equally useless is prejudice at its most vile.
You had your chance and found nothing. And don't you lecture me on prejudice. We women, as usual, will have to deal with this ourselves.
I was younger, I was arrogant. I thought I knew everything.
-Unlike now, right? We all get it wrong sometimes.
Will your mum forget you when she walks down the street? Or will she stare at every young man, willing them to be her son? Or will she wait by the phone, hoping and praying to get a call telling her that her missing son has been found safe and well? People here say there's a little magic in the full moon. I say it's nonsense and superstition, but just maybe I'm wrong. Just maybe you're the living proof. Too many lost souls go missing in this world. Don't be one of them.
Medicine is more than lists and tables, Dr Walker. The real skill is to learn how to read their minds.
We all make bad decisions in life. Just don't compound the error.
If ifs and buts were pots and pans, we'd have no need for tinkers.
-I'm sorry, I have absolutely no idea what you just said.
I have fallen in love, Dr Varma. With this place. With India. I've lived on this planet for over 60 years and I never knew a heaven like this even existed.
We spent the night together.
-What more do you want?
Don't you think it would be nice to actually talk sometime?
-Talk? What on earth would we talk about?
I dunno. Life, death. I just don't get the rush.
Today is, of course, the Festival of Holi. The day when the entire adult population of this state behave like children for 24 hours. What to expect? Everything. Fractures, burns, breaks, poisonings. You won't have heard of bhang, Dr Walker. You have a treat in store. It's made from cannabis leaves. They mix it into drinks. Then come to us to have their stomachs pumped. Expect a lot of that. There's always some bunch of idiots who fall off a float somewhere and they all arrive at the same time.
And in England, a girl like this would be a personal crusade, would she? Or would you be required to inform social services whatever the circumstances? … I thought so.
What the hell did you say to her?
-Nothing! I simply told her what I tell all of them.
- That, you know, if it's meant to be, the gods will take care of it. The gods usually make sure they get back on the plane.
What would you do? A man I hardly know expects me to drop everything to take care of him. I never knew my dad.
-Maybe you have a second chance?
This heat can take you by surprise.
-Maybe. It's more likely to be the bloody food.
I've been warned enough times. No salad, no ice. I just don't understand why they can't follow a bit of basic food hygiene.
-You're here on holiday?
For my sins, yeah.
So what are you waiting for? Or are you hoping it'll drop off and save us all a job?
-You don't want to take over?
Basic orthopaedic surgery. I believe the Chinese are already training monkeys to do it.
A repair like this costs thousands, so without funds or insurance, the best we can do is a good, clean amputation.
-So he loses his leg because he's poor?
He just accepted the amputation, like I was suggesting removing his wisdom teeth.
-You'll get used to it. There's a certain nobility to fatalism.
You know they have a specific god for everything?
- Is that right?
Life, death, luck. You name it, they've got a god for it. Except premature ejaculation.
People say things they don't mean.
-Yeah. Maybe some do, but me, I call it as I see it, and all I can see right now is a filthy country full of liars and full of cheats.
Let me tell you what I'm looking at! A woman who has travelled to my country to steal an organ from another human being, someone they've never even met, a human being so desperate they're prepared to sell a part of themselves to pay their rent and put food on their table to allow their children to have a future.
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